Lazy bum.

About two weeks since my last post?? Why do I have a blog in the first place?? Haha.. oh well. ive been meaning to blog for the past few days actually but I was just not in the right emotional state to blog.. Aiseh, ke jiwa si Adib ani.. Tapi banar eh, lately macam something missing rasanya.. I had plenty of stuf to blog about, but was just unable to get myself to type.. Anyways, I really hate the humidity level sini ani. Its so easy to get dry skin over here! And i hafta keep using moisturiser (inda macho, I know, but a guy has to moisturise these days!!) and sudahpun karing ah, it even bleeds sometimes.. baik jua bekamih inda keluar in powdered form..

Karing kulitku, karing..

The past two weeks ani, nothing much happened rasanya (well, except for last weekend where we had Majlis Ramah Mesra bersama Sultan). Oh, I did get chased by a dog in November! I was walking to uni and when i went on this stretch of road in the woods, i heard a distinct, low grumbling sound.. I immediately thot "shit, there's an angry dog somewhere.." Tapinya kan, ku cari cari, inda ada! until i looked forward and down when i saw this PUPPY the size of a CHIHUAHUA growling at me.. I ignored the dumb mutt and kept on walking.. The dog then started chasing me at full speed (I only had to jog lightly to stay a safe distance). I smiled as i was pursued by this rather cute, albeit angry, pup. I mean, how much harm kan that FURBALL of an animal do to me? The worst case scenario would be me, kicking the dog full in the face, sending it flying a few metres away. But im glad it didnt have to come to that as the dog's owner yelled "What are you doing!?" to the dog and it backed away.. He then apologised to me (the owner, not the dog). I was kinda disappointed tho.. I always wanted to see a flying dog. (Well, not always.. Just since the dog chased me..)

Thats not the first time i was chased by a dog tho, one time when i was riding a scooter with my uncle, we went past this readymix concrete facility (the one in Bunut, on the way to makam Luba). We stopped in fron of a parking lot, and my uncle stopped and sounded the horn a few times. Then, this dog came from nowhere and started chasing us!! I mean, you may think its okay since we were on a scooter, tapinya kan, there was me, my uncle and my small cousin riding "mencheche" (style bujang lapok). The dog did get really close to us and this was a problem coz i was sitting behind my uncle, who was riding the scooter. I would be the very first one to suffer if the dog got to us!! Im sure di gigit nya or sumthing, nada ia kan join kami tour round kampung kali..

Lets chuck in a picture to this post!

Check out the sponsor of the football team!! Bimbo! In my first impression, some rich girl ran out of ideas.. "Ohmygod!! Like, what should I do with all this frickin monneyy??" And then went on to sponsor a football team.. Actually, the team above is Las Chivas of Mexico. And Bimbo is actually a big Mexican bread company.. Sama tu bah MUN Gardenia or Azmee bakery sponsor team bula.. (Except of course for the unfortunate name..)

Hmm, i dont know if I mentioned this, but dulu I was asked by my aunt to jaga my cousins. So i slept in their room arah tilam on a floor and dorang tidur atas katil. They take karate and one night, the eldest mengigau.. His hand were making silat-like movements. "Eh, mimpi silat ia!! I wonder what happens if aku kacau.." And so i punched him (lightly!!) sikit sikit around his face and he made a dejected look, retreated and went back to sleep. (mimpi kana tumbuk and kana kalahkan ia!) IT WORKED!! And this was backed by an article i found on the internet, dreams can be (as i have proven in my research, haha.) interfered by external stimuli. GIVE ME MY PHD!! :p U can find more facts about dreams here.

Apa lagi kan di blog ah.. Oh! Its time for something that's:

look at what i found on the internet:

Gay Fuel!! (WTF right??) According to the makers, Gay Fuel is similar to Red Bull, except the liquid is dyed bright pink (which makes sense, bright pink is pretty gay..) Its makers claim Gay Fuel contains a blend of sexual stimulant herbs and immune system boosters (yes, this is needed, with the AIDS and whatnot going round the gay community..) So guys, if your single male friend (who wears tight jeans) invites you over their place, offers you some gay fuel because they say that this is the only drink they have and say that the ten jars of vaseline are for their dry skin DONT FALL INTO THE TRAP!! I do wonder how it tastes like tho.. NO, NO!! Resist the temptation Dib!! No good can come from such a product.. Not for a straight guy like me atleast..

Bah, thats it for now. Hope this post was enjoyed by the people who read it. "Kalau sedap bagitau kawan, kalau tak sedap, bagitau kami" (haha, plagiarised from restoran Azmee..)

Peace out!!

p.s. No, i was NOT under the influence of gay fuel atau mana mana produk yang sewaktu dengannya while taking this photo.. Have a nice day people!! :)

Happy people..

One thing I dont like about my room (and its just a small issue) is the fact the paper globe that covers the lightbulb is too damn low!! Im not a tall person or anything but ive hit the damn thing two or three times dah (time salin sweater, making bed, anything involving raising my arms basically). I mean, its even hard for me to jump for joy in my room!!

On a happier note, we went to Maidstone last saturday! And the place was absolutely gorgeous!! In terms of shopping (banyak orang berminat mendangar this bit ni) there was heck of a lot of shops and the place was so happenning! We had loadsa fun lah (banar nya Jirin eh, bagus tempat nya.. Memang bijaksana kata-kata Jirin. ) Here's some of the pics we took:

Izzah, Zimbo, Yati and Muiz being oh-so-vain..

The lads in the group..

Uhh, we got bored on the train.. Heheh.

Apa lagi ah? OH!! We celebrated Shirley's birthday the day before we went to Maidstone! We first went to Chatham to go shopping for a bit and I picked a present for her at the last minute (shops here tutup awal ah..) I pretended that I left my debit card at primark and broke off from the group, got to a perfume shop and got her a Ted Baker perfume. The gift was from all of us btw, not just me. We surprised her at Zimah's place. Earlier, her friends from Nottingham and Canterbury showed up to surprise the birthday girl as well.

Before I go, Id like to show this video that i recorded while watching music videos on Sky (macam Astro lah).

Siuk jua tu d lady! Dapat perform sama Usher.. Haha.. But seriously, full of emotion ia atu eh..



As promised, here are some pics of my new house. Its been a while since I updated my blog twice in a day. Anyways, here are the pics:

Sori d pics kabur! Pakai camera nokia 6230.. haha.. so old school..

What a week!

U know I always sed that im usually around in Canterbury on weekends? Well last week, I was there for 5 days out of the seven~! And I just came back from there last night actually, honorary Canterburian sudah ni aku ani (If a word like that existed). Oh, I have a funny story!! Last week time aku kan balik from canterbury, the train schedule was moved a couple of minutes earlier, so instead of catching my train on time, I missed it on time. And the funny part is when I arrived at the station, I could see the train on the platform dah so I rushed through the subway to the other side and I was relieved because I reached the door of the train before the train moved. So I pushed the "open door" button expecting the train to let me in but the train started to move!! all this while, my hand was still lifted in the air after pressing the button.. SIAL!! I mean, I literally missed the train by seconds. Bah, mun sudah ku sampat takan button palui atu (PALUI PUNYA BUTTON!!). Iatah petua orang tua kali tu ah- "Cacap saja train atu lai supaya inda kepunan." Si sofi was still on the other platform when this all happened. I bet ia pikir I was ON the bloody moving train but sekali the train went past, berdiri ku masih on the platform, stunned by my luck.. Katanya cali.. I beg to differ.. So menunggu tah kami another hour for the next train.. And it was rather cold that sunday night.


Here's a random thought: siapa pernah takapit kakinya bawah tayar matuka (motorcar)? Well, aku pernah! It was time balik sekulah ugama (Sekualah Ugama Madewa 4 Life!!) and I was walking beside a row of cars. SO when I tried to walk to the other side, I was too close to this one car and UNfortunately the left front wheel rolled over my right foot (well, not that unfortunate coz ada jua kan ku blog about.. heheh.. )!! To make matters worse, the car stopped while the frickin wheel was still on my frickin foot! I flinched and the driver gave me the look that sed "what's wrong?" I looked back at him, gritted my teeth and I shrugged at him (which supposed to mean "NothingiswrongitsjustyourcaronmyfuckingfootnowmoveyourcarASSHOLE!!) and his car moved (traffic jam wah time anak skulah balik). Anyways, my foot turned out fine (thanks for asking). Keluarga kami andang ada strong feet. (I think it was a hatchback, mun pajero or prado, Si Timpang Hensem tia nickname ku masa ani.. Haha) I remember aku pakai kasut putih Garfield time atu. So I now recommend those shoes jadi kasut skulah ugama anak anak abiskita. Unless kita mau anak kita timpang..

Oh!! My Micro SD card sampai dah! look at how small it is..

Dont you just love it when something you order online arrives! :) So now my phone FINALLY has proper memory!! Unfortunately, I have claass soon so nda sampat isi.. Oh well, karang tah.. OH! to end this post, here are some pics!

P.S. I STILL havent made a post pasal my new house, nantitah, maybe later even mun aku rajin (Im in a good mood masa ani! :)

Seven things..

Dont rub your eyes in disbelief! This blog IS updated.. Its been almost two weeks but i think thats alright coz i update about twice a month anyways. I have been tagged by Jirin so I hafta post seven random facts/travel experiences and/or life facts. So here we go:

1. Aku pun pernah hilang di KL! Me and two aunts were at this shopping centre (di subang kali?) I was about 5 maybe at that time. Ku bawa my aunts ani liat toys (at that age, i was addicted to toys! I think sampai ani I still have a thing for toys!) So I got up the stairs thinking my aunts were right behind me. When I looked back, they werent there!! SO I went back down to look for them but I couldnt find them! (By looking i mean just standing at the bottom of the stairs and looking left and right- a child's effort wah!) When I couldnt see where they were I did what NORMAL kids would do - CRY! This technique worked as i caught the attention of a malaysian man (or woman, i cant recall too clearly). "Napa Dik?" He sed in his/her malaysian accent. "Mama tadi kata nak bawa liat menan (mainan), tapi sudah di atas mama nada" so kana bawa tah ku arah information counter so that announcements could be made. Before the lady at the announcement-making-counter could announce that i was so carelessly lost, she needed my name. "Siapa nama adik?" My t-shirt had my name printed BASAR BASAR at the time (Md Adib). So I pointed at my shirt with attitude (annoyed that she didnt realise it was a name, not a brand.. Baik jua nama ku bukan Kiko.) Anyways, baik jua the lady nda sasak arah attitude ku atu (damit damit nya sudah sarcastic) "Kepada Ibu Bapa budak hilang bernama Muhammad Adib, sila pergi ke kaunter." My aunts (who still did NOT realise I was not with them. Siok shopping udah kali.) heard the announcement, looked back, FINALLY realised I wasnt there, and then sed to each other "ADIB!!" and frantically went to the information counter to pick me up. Baik jua the guy who found me atu baik. I mean, worse case scenario would be me kana culik, aku time damit kiut kali ah.. (Actually, worse case scenario would be me kana culik and then kana jadikan sapak soto, but thats another story)

2. This story also involves my peril in KL (again, I cudnt have been any older than 6). My uncle sebalah my dad dulu ada kana post di KL. So his whole family pun ikut. He got this nice and HUGE house that had a swimming pool. One day, kami semua bersantai dekat the pool. Some of my cousins and aunts were in the pool. They had this inflatable boat that had a rope attached to the front. Usually I wont even go near the pool coz I was afraid of the water (which makes sense cos i didnt know how to swim). I recall asking my cousin to jump in and out of the water like a dolphin.. Typical request from an imaginative boy.. Anyways, my oldest cousin surh kami pull the rope so that the boat wud be dragged to the edges of the pool. when we let go, it would drift back to the middle. There were about 3 or 4 of us pulling at the rope (all kids). At one point, everyone pulled and then let go of the rope but I held on to It (tunjuk kuat lah konon, pakai baju batman time atu complete with cape, batman wouldnt need help to pull a boat right? WRONG!!) The moment the others let go, the boat started drifting back, I remember being pulled into the pool and since I couldnt swim. I started doing the other thing I did know how to do- drown. The weird thing was, i dont remember struggling nor suffering. I was just floating there underneath the water. Everything was blue and it was a serene situation. I did try to scoop my way back back to the surface, but it was in vain. I wasnt down there for long tho. My cousin who was in the boat sed "mana si Adib?", realised I was in the water and pulled me put. TERIMA KASIH KAKA DAYANGKU!!

3. This was time my aunt kan bali kerita baru. Year 2000 i think. SOme dude at this volkswagen showroom was demonstrating the wonderful safety feature their cars had. Safety power windows. He stuck his finger through the window of the car, pushed the button that closes the window and after touching his finger briefly, the window automatically rolled back down so inda lah terkapit jari nya.. WHen i got back home, i tried the same thing with a 1990's suzuki swift.. What happens next you guys shud know..

4. Time primary school, I just loved pranks. There was one prank where I put a water balloon on my friend's seat. She was standing near the chair when I sed "Siapa berdiri, palui!" So she sat down laju laju, maklumlah, siapa jua mau jadi palui kan? She sat down, the water ballon burst and wet her skirt and she paused before crying.. I didnt expect that reaction so I ran to hide in the toilet.. Sampai kana cari cikgu wah! But i didnt open the door.. Sudah abis breaktime baru ku keluar..

5. Time skulah ugama aku awal masuk so I was a year younger than my classmates. I tried the water ballon trick on this huge dude and it did wet his sinjang. Next thing i know I was held by two guys, brought to the tempat berwudhu and the guy whom i just pranked splashed water from a tap to the front of my sinjang. TALUR! Ada patut aku mengatil arah gang leader.. Karma from my previous story perhaps..

6. People always think Im chinese. TIme keraja d HSBC relatives pun think aku chinese. I get spoken to in Chinese. and despite the name tag "Muhammad Adib" i wear during work, i still get "melayu kah cina kau ani wang?" I even confuse the old people yang batah udah hidup di dunia ani (and in their own words, lagi banyak makan sira dari aku). I account this to the fact my mata sepet. And balah my mum and dad BOTH have similar eye shapes so theres no escaping it (Not that Im complaining, I like our eyes! :) ) But there was that one point where luan malar kana ucap bukan melayu that i kinda considered cosmetic surgery (nadawah). But entah ah, i heard ada jua a bit of chinese blood from dad's side (but like generations and generations ago).

7. Last but not least, two days ago, me Jirin and Syazwi makan lunch di Tia. On the menu was bombay potato, since i like d potatoes, ku tanya what the dish was like. The dude said the following (and i quote!!)

"bombay potato? Uhm, its like a potato."

No shit Sherlock..

Thats it for now. But before I go, Id like to tag Haji Muhammad Sofiyuddin bin Haji Sani of Kampung Mata Mata, who now resides in Spring Lane, Canterbury UK to list seven things about himself (Theres no escaping Sof!! Update blog mu wah!!!)

Till next time, Assalamualaikum!

p.s. Sori batah nda update, everyone!

Life updates..

Assalamualaikum! Its a cold and rather dark 6.45am in the UK right now. And i just poked my left eye after my finger slipped while i was rubbing my nose.. shit happens, yeah? Groggy masih in the morning.. haha.. Anyways, i have got absolutely no idea why im up this early since i have no classes today (not tomorrow).. (actually, I had this urge to pee come to think about it..) and knowing me, id never be able to go back to sleep once i got my 8hours. Right, quite a few things happened since my last post. There was the reading week I spent in Canterbury (saw a french gAy, yes, gay) on the train. I usually mind my own business but this dude was acting suspicious. First time he was on the phone, he talked normally but the second time, he covered the mouthpiece (alum get out of closet perhaps?). I did hear a man's voice on the other line but i thought they were having regular conversation. The guy then moved seats to the one behind us and only then he resumed talking like normal.. Like a normal gay that is.. BERLANDIH!! well, dont get me wrong, i still gave him the benefit of the doubt.. Until he hung up.. What straight man would end his phone conversation with another man with "Good stuff, thank you, MWAH! Bye!". Open and shut case, konpom nya orang brunei..

Oh, theres this one pic id like to show you all! :)

HUGE!! Iski kami kan begambar ah..

That pic was taken when we went to ashford. That was fun but i must say we did come at the wrong time of the year. Prices were pretty much the same to high street prices. Oh! I went to London last week. When i was at Victoria station i couldnt decide how to get to paddington, the tube was packed (rush hour) and buses seemed boring.. So I walked.. (I JUST realised that day that the Apollo Victoria was RIGHT NEXT to the station!) It took me about 40mins and 4.5km to walk to paddington but it was a good experience. Come on, how many people could say they felt lazy to get on the public transport and walked instead to Bru hall. (mun ada, mau ku tau siapa.) But seriously it wasnt that bad, i just had to find Grosvenor place, walk along that road and find park lane, and walk along park lane until i find Marble Arch which means i would have found Edgware road. Hmm, now that ive mentioned it, Im going to London later with Sofi and were gonna walk! Kan HRH Sultan suruh tani hidup aktif? :) Anyways, that day i JUst decided to roam around London as well as pick up my TV. (I also wanted to meet a certain someone but sadly I didnt get to.. :( I found The Dorchester on my way to Paddington as well by the way. I think I walked about 10km that day (also walked to Bayswater from Edgware). PHEW!!

My route from Victoria station to Paddington (click to enlarge)

The Dorchester

Hmm, I was thinking, wouldnt it be nice to be able to drive around UK one day? I mean, as long as u got a map or one of those sat-nav thingies i reckon it wouldnt be too much of a problem.. I must say fuel prices do discourage you to drive here.. A mule driven cart would perhaps be more appropriate.. My coursemate once asked if I drive, yes i do i said. Here? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! I still need money to eat.. But its really amazing how they could survive with such prices.. And whats more amazing is how much toilet paper they use.. Cubatah beria secara Islam, basuh pakai air.. That would eradicate the "skidmark" situation they have..

Full tank = more than 50pounds. Fill 4 times a month = 200+ pounds.. :s

Yay! I think that concludes my post for now. I'll post another one in about a weeks time (insya Allah). That post will have some pictures of my cosy room! Till next time, bye! P.S. I apologise to those who constantly check my blog coz i havent found the time to update. Thanks though! :)

Margate and Hari Raya and Gillingham.

Its that time of year again where kids knock on doors to get goodies. Nope, not halloween but Hari Raya! Yes, for those who dont know, kids will roam around the neighbourhood visiting neighbours they do not even know to try and get a few bucks. But in the spirit of Hari Raya, houses rarely reject these kids and treat them as they would other guests, with the customary green packets being handed out at the end.

This is my story..

I never understood the logic behind this "malay trick-or treating" as a kid. I mean, if I wanted money, id visit my relatives' houses, they'd usually give more lucrative amounts in those wonderful, wonderful little envelopes (hey, to kids those days any note not coloured blue was a lot!! Ten bucks back then would make you feel golden!!). Anyways, having said that, I went on with my friends one day to go "Beraya" or (بري أ) in arabic (which unfortunately and UNINTENTIONALLY also spells out 'beria..) One of the houses i went, we got served A LOT of mirinda orange.. It wouldnt hav been a problem if we hadnt JUST had plenty of soft drinks in the PREVIOUS 5 houses.. Then the lady kata "Habiskan ah, mun nda habis, nada duit raya ni (finish your drinks, otherwise there will be no money)". Me, being a cute and honest kid (perasanness) told the lady, "Nda apa aku kemari bukan aga duit..(its okay, its not your money i'm after)" Hmm, thinking about that day, I did have fun, but it wasnt because of the money, but it was because i was spending time going around the neighbourhood with my friends. I mean, these days its hard to spend time with your friends like that and it just seems we take those moments for granted. Anyways, that was the first story.

Second story: A week has passed since the first day of Syawal.. Everyone is off to work.. Kids still have holidays.. I am merely 7 years old.. I just took a crap.. I went off to look for my maid (i think it was because i was hungry).. I didnt bother to put my pants back on.. Everything was going fine. I twirled my pants around (i just had a shirt and spindat on) while shouting "Aunty!! Aunty!!" When i went past the guest area, i suddenly felt the presence of people... THERE WERE ABOUT FIVE (YES, BLOODY FIVE!!!) GIRLS (YES, BLOODY GIRLS!!) sitting in the area. They were obviously there to perform the aforementioned "Beraya". I ran into the kitchen, put my bloody pants back on and I told of my maid for not telling me we had guests.. Girl guests.. Girl guests who were my age.. and they saw me in my underwear.. Of course, it was clearly my own fault.. What did i expect my maid to say? "Oh ya! Hari senin adip kecil memang suka pakai spendet nya aja!" THE HORROR!! THE SHAME!! I had to cover my face as I ran past them to go into my mummy's room.. But the ordeal doesnt end there... When school resumed, some girls confronted me.. They said they saw me naked at my house... "I wasnt naked!! I was wearing underwear! And it wasnt me, it was my identical twin brother!" Yeah right.. Of course they probably didnt buy it.. but to this day, i assumed they did so I am at peace so lets leave it at that.. (Also, i hope my kids never get to read this..) Brunei is hot, okay!! pants restrict some things..

Phew~! Its been such a long while since i blogged properly.. Anyways, this year there quite a number of Bruneians studying in medway. Last year, it was just me and Shirley but this time around, theres also Zaim, Yati, Muiz, Syaza, Thet (honorary bruneian), Izzah, Azimah Zimbo and nabilah. So that makes ten! And these are very nice people! So im glad about that. We have board game nights and poker nights and things are merrier than last year. (About twelve months ago, i thought i was the only Bruneian here..) Oh, by the way, we hangout quite a lot so today, we went for board game hunting! We looked at stores such as Cancer Research UK and British Heart foundation (they sell pre-owned board games for almost nothing!) We got cluedo for 1.25pounds (everything was in mint condition and seemed unused - plastic figured still uncut from plastic frame..) Taboo for a mere 50 pence (worth a try, no?) and Zaim got the Therapy game for 1.49 pounds. What a bargain!

Model is available for hire for 50pence per hour (limaposen) on weekends. Terms and conditions apply.

Previously, me Yati and Zaim, along with Canterburyans (??) Sofi and Jirin went to margate. It was a first time for me and I had an absolute blast! One thing worth mentioning tho, dont be fooled by our pics on the beach, we were absolutely freezing!! (yes, cold winds from the ocean + no jackets = extreme cooling sensation!)

Yati inda puasa!!

Zaim control!!

Mari kitani buat macam ani pantai kitani!!

Self explanatory picture.. Ada adult joke shop next to the bong shop as well..

Ahh.. Margate siuk! Next time lagi pigi Insya Allah. Theres this primark store there as well (tho its not as big as the one we have in Chatham, heheh..) To conclude this post, here are some pics of me "Beraya"ing at Canterbury. Till next time, ciao!!

Me smiling wide as usual..

Group photo in front of rumah Jirin



Rumah alum ada internet.. Payah kan memblog.. mambari stiris nyanta!! Lets give it a bit more time before aku update... Until then, doakan rumah ku laju-laju ada internet.. Tenkiu..

Anybody missed me?

Im blogging again! No thanks to Flooble, who cancelled my chatterbox.. Anyways, i got a new one put up and also made changes to the way this blog looks like. Updates!! Ive now moved to 41, Strover Street and ive only got 3 days of school per week! Isnt that sweet or what!! And ive got juniors and plenty of Bruneians studying in Medway this year so hopefully, ive got company this time around (mind you, last year I almost had to bertakbir sorang sorang di bilik.. Baik jua ada abis si Jirin and si Rabz and Ka Nadz d Canterbury).

Hmm, actually i havent got anything to blog about at the moment. But insya allah, there should be a post coming up before the end of the week.

Until then, goodbye!

Im back!!

Assalamualaikum! Batah udah aku nda post anything. maklumlah, been busy. First it was exams, then it was getting ready to go back home, then udah balik ani, makan saja keraja ku. In fact, im pretty confident that im eligible to turn pro soon. Oh, I dedicate this post to Kaka Afiif yang setia mengikuti blog ani.. Anyways, its been a very busy 1st week. Mengaga my nini, makan, clean my room (many thanks to my sis for messing it up in the 1st place.. Nanti ko..), and then makan and I also carried out my big plan to surprise my friends! (None on my friends in Brunei knew I was coming back.) Me and effy call this plan “The Plan”.

A month before aku sampai d Brunei, me and my good friend effy ada berkomplot to surprise our close friends d Brunei. I had the idea when I booked my tickets to go back home. “cemana baik ku saprais dorang ani ah? “ so ku contact si effy and I told her I was coming home AND that I wanted to surprise our friends. After a few days of deliberation, we decided that a good way to shock them would be to have a gathering at her place and to give them the surprise there..

We had plenty of time, so we planned each bit of the plan in steps.. to make a long story short, I was to be at her gathering BUT my friends will have no idea who I am, as I was to be dressed in a robe and face veil , which I bought at Ebay for 3pounds (Murah! Kalah millimewah!) . All of Effy’s family members played part in this “pranking secara besar besaran”. Effy’s mum jadi penasihat, Effy jadi the important accomplice, hostess and was also the one in charge of the gathering, Saiful jadi cameraman and Qilah mendangani me time aku tunggu the ppl to arrive (betabiat kamu atu eyh!! Panas kali ah bepurdah purdah di Negara located atas khatulistiwa ani!!) and my mum arranged the catering for the event .

When I arrived in Brunei on Saturday, 16th of June. I made sure I had plenty of rest coz the plan was to be carried out the very next day! That Sunday, effy picked me up 11 in the morning (mun aku pakai kerita ku kedapatan tia, nda ja?) and ia bawakan jubah jua selajur. I wore the robe and face veil from my house and all the way to Effy’s to avoid detection.. Yes, we made sure no small detail was left out.. even hid my slippers in case takut si nuar kenal.. Yes, si Nuai, (boyfriend si Effy) pun nda tau.. The fun bit was that people didn’t know that effy knew I was going back home, coz I told my friends d UK when I was going back (and I told them to keep it hush hush) ANYWAYS, to make a long story short (again), when our friends arrived, I peeked at them and Icham (who sat right next to the door) saw “me” (already dressed up as Aishah Maisara) and had this amusing look on her face. She just sat there, frozen.. Mwahaha.. Oh, I forgot to mention, Effy dressed me up so well, aku sendiri nda recognize myself in the mirror! Oh, and I like the calak mata! J

Anyways, here are the pics of me getting ready.. (Just so u know, PANAS pakai pakaian macam atu..)

Tube top to accomodate my breasts.. Haha..

Feminising my manly hands..

Eyeliner!! I loved this bit.. Hahaha!

Gadis berpurdah paling macho di pulau borneo..

Gadis berpurdah paling ayu and photogenic di Dunia..

And here is the best part of the whole thing… I GOT IT ON VIDEO!! J Many thanks to Saiful for being the cameraman..

We had fun lah that day, I really missed the guys. And ramai orang kan minjam the niqab (purdah).. The most important thing, we all met, dined and just hung out after more than 9 months being apart!! Bah, alhamdulillah, siap jua post satu ani.. :)

Last post before exam tia karang!!

Wah!! The weather have been absolutely gorgeous!! Alhamdulillah... I am very happy.. Last week, kan keluar pun malas/takut sebab either sajuk or kan avoid kana tangkap basah if hujan.. Masa ani, sangat indah! Reflection matahari arah dog poop on the sidewalk pun macam shimmering work of art olehnya!! Anyways, past two days ani, i feel so very healthy.. Been eating right (need to shed some fat I gained during easter holidays) and exercising whatnot.. Its not without obstacles though..

A few days ago, i wanted to use the treadmill. There was a vacant one near the tv, so i got on it.. At the time, the treadmil directly in front of the tv was occupied by this rather large lady who was holding on to the rail while walking on the treadmill.. Tiba tiba, bau yang dahsyat dan sangat overwhelming menimpa hero kita!! This lady had THE ******* WORST BO (body odour) in the history of my stay in Gillingham!!! Masukkan ia ke kandang BABI, BABI pulang yang BERLARI KENCANG KELUAR KANDANG!!! Anyways, I had to get away. Kana bayar pun nda ku mau sebalah ia ani, takut ku ada radioactivity or apa apa yang toksik keluar...I went to the water fountain sebagai alasan untuk lari.. I bet the lady terasa because she went away jua.. I went back to the same treadmill, hoping to have a decent workout.. Then after a while, a lady of similar size got on the treadmill next to me.. It was the SAME LADY!! She had changed her shirt and sprayed perfume on.. Palui kalinya aku ani.. A changed shirt cant fool me, kenal ku masih it was her "kali ah, bulih".. Anyways, the smell seemed to have gone and i already got to 600 meters or so, so i kept on going.. Alas, I was wrong... When she grabbed the handles and exposed her armpits again, the smell seemed to rush straight into my nose holes (lubang hidung cakap melayunya) and menusuk ke kalbu abis peramba... Nda ku tahan! I had to cut my run short.. Inda salah saya, ani abad ke 21 dan SABUN (sama ada biasa mahupun anti-bakteria) sudah pun dicipta dan boleh didapati di mana mana kedai runcit.. Aduhai.. ani orang inda berdusa (yakni diri saya) jadi mangsa..

"Jangan biarkan anak kecil anda berkeliaran berhampiran kandang babi.. Pikirnya aiskrim karang.."

Anyways, im just looking at this piece of paper I posted on the wall.. Its my set of goals for my body fat percentage. As of today, it has been eight days in a row that ive gone to the gym to run and do some resistance training. Im glad aku keeping up with the goals I set and inda hangat hangat tahi ayam (siasiapun, batah udah nda makan ayam..).. Hmm, who came up with that phrase anyways?? Imagine ku maybe dulu-dulu ada this farmer menanam and kehabisan baja. And suddenly, ayamnya beria and ia pun laju laju ambil kan pakai tahi tersebut dijadikan baja..

"Ih!! Hangat jua tahi ayam ani!!"

"Lai! Kemari kau kajap! Rasa ni tahi ayam ah!! Panas!! Nyaman rasanya!!" ia panggil bininya

"Gali ku bang eh!" kata isteri farmer tersebut

"Nda jua tu bang!"

"IH!! SAJUK TIA!!" farmer tersebut berkata selepas memegang tahi tadi sekali lagi..

So lahir tia phrase "Hangat hangat tahi ayam".. In my head at least.. Haha, of all the things kan ku bincangkan.. Baik jua host Rampai Pagi nda macam aku.. Anyways, mun ada orang tahu d actual way the phrase was born, or was around when the phrase was first said (i would doubt that) gitau ku ah.. Another possible explanation was a that group of scientists researched each and every shits known to mankind to see which one cooled down the fastest.. In which case, i suggest these so-called scientists to be knocked on the head, forced to run next to the stinky lady I mentioned earlier and that new scientists to be hired in their place.. Macam macam lagi perkara lain dapat di research..

Anyways, this is a long blog, so I hope u can bear with me.. Aku save kajap ah.. WAH!! Now blogger saves my drafts automatically!! My life is once again, bearable!! Haha.. but seriously, makin convenient.. Next thing I know, typing can be done by just clenching my butt.. Hahaha...

Moving on from my voluptuous bottom, last week, i went to town and saw this "Mobility scooter" which had the brand name "Forever Active". What the F?? FOREVER ACTIVE KEPALA HOTAK MU BERJAMBUL!! I saw this dude who was AT MOST forty years old pakai a "mobility scooter".. Its a frickin' electric wheelchair is what it is, is what it is... Sheesh.. The brand name should be "Arthritis-mobile" or "Geriatrico-move-your-ass-never-again-omatic" or something like that.. Not, "forever active".. Urang nda bekaki lagi mau kan bejalan, dorang tah pulang mensiasiakan kurnia ilahi.. Malas hantap.. Bukan marah.. Geram.. Kegeraman yang berapi..

I may sound harsh, but come on, mun banar banar payah berjalan ok lah. Or mun tua sudah, ani muda muda and sihat masih.. Mun saja malas, membari sasak.. Trafik saja jalan raya olehnya.. I mean, there are other ways to travel without walking. Basikal ada. Mun payah, pasang roda damit. Or kuda kah, atleast macho jua lagi than these "mobility scooters".. Denial dorang ani calling it that.. Its like calling George Bush a "President" rather than "Prick who is in charge of other Pricks and Prickettes".. Disgraceful.. Phew.. Sabar, sabar.. Breathe in... And out... Ok, im cool, im cool.. Anyways, I saw this video on youtube.. It is of a movie involving a very cool horse stunt..

HAHAHAHAHAHA!! WHAT THE F?? this video actually made my day.. MJ thriller spoof sudah, kuda sliding under truck sudah, kana timbak inda mati pun sudah!! Kreatip dorang ani eh, terpegun saya.. Kenapa warga brunei inda tepikir kan buat kuda sliding bawah trak?? HAHAHA!! Good stuff.. and to conclude this part of my post, another video from another tamil movie showing what other powers they have.. I swear, mun Heroes ada karakter tamil, he would be the leader and would have the best abilities!! But that would be unfair, so dorang nda jadi put such a character in..

Gotta love the stylish moustache flicking at the end.. Anyways, since ive been talking about tamil movies for quite a bit, its time for something thats:

"Sediakan payung sebelum tahi pigeon melanda.."

Dengan itu saya sudahi dengan wabillahi taufik walhidayah, wassalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh!

Nda last pun..

Ahh, here i am yet again.. Blogging.. Well, siuk wah just spilling my thoughts and writing about the mischief and other stuff im up to.. Its been quite an uneventful week. Heck, i may even start revising today (or tomorrow.. or the day after..) Right now, im trying to get hold of some boxes to pack my stuff since I have to move out by the 9th of June. For those who dont know, Im living in a house rented by the uni for 1st year students saja, iatah mesti pindah.

Anyways, two days ago, i was woken up in the morning by the smell of smoke. Kuat lah baunya atu, mun sampai aku terbangun.. But i was still quite tired so i didnt care.. "Rumah kah ni yang terbakar? Eh, malas ku ingau eh, tidur saja balik, ada tu bomba datang mun rumah hangus.." I That was the pinnacle of all laziness!! I mean, what are the chances that it actually was the house that was on fire, but still i just couldnt bother to get up.. I went back to sleep hoping that my thin bedsheets would provide enough protection from any flames.. A few minutes went by but i just could not go back to sleep! So reluctantly, i went down to check what was wrong.. CEH!! Someone burnt something in the microwave.. mun pakai microwave pun dapat hangus barang, baik makan rumput atau sushi, tantu.. Well, im not one to speak coz i think aku pun pernah hanguskan pizza in the microwave.. In my defence, it was the micwrowave punya fault..

That afternoon, i went to the gym as usual to do some running on the treadmill. On the way, there were two small dogs (one looked like a wet fluffy pillow and the other macam gulali bangas) in my way. Takut terpalit whatever liquids they could secrete, i crossed the road early only to find that some dude was on a bicycle while having a beer.. Banyak dugaan jua eh, awal atu macam terhuyung hayang lagi jalannya tu.. Drinking and cycling , first time tah ku menyaksikan tu. Mudahaaan, kau masuk lungkang.. Amiin.. When he passed by, i looked forward to having a peaceful time at Black Lions Leisure center.

Alas, it was not to be.. When i was on the treadmill there was this lady running next to me and I had the urge to release this humongous fart! Palui ni eh, should i let it rip? Shud i hold it in? I learnt that day that it is quite uncomfortable to tahan kantut sambil berlusir.. The thing is, people there know im a frequent customer, so galat rasanya kan kantut basar basar.. So i came up with this stratergy, release bit by bit.. Right after i finished the last "installment" of my farting session, the lady went away and this fat dude got on.. Lohh, mun ku tau, ku tahan skajap lagi then release the "powerbomb" and just give the guy a blaming look.. Abis cerita.. ahh well.. After running for 2.4 kilometres, i checked the calorie reading and I just burnt about 134 Calories. SHEEEET!!! Thats just one small packet of Walkers Cheese and Onion crisps! It makes all that running seem slightly insignificant.. And i think the reading should in fact be lower because i lied about my weight to the machine.. heheh.. But nda apa, asal maintain health.. Losing weight is not as easy as the adverts on TV it seems.. :s

Gambar perhiasan semata mata, tiada berkenaan dengan perhiasan yang hidup mahupun yang mati..

After the run, i decided to cool down by watching some people playing football in the main hall. One thing I like about the football here is if people make mistakes, even if the mistakes are repetitive, the say "Unlucky". Mun di Brunei Darussalam, mun buat mistake, nda baik nasib kana sumpah saja: "PAALUUUI!!!! Nda ko be-utak kah?? BUDUH tah banar si BUDUH ani!! TALOR!! Bukan talur baguring, bukan talur mata lambu tapi talur bedadar!! Main macam bini-bini!!" My kawan punya uncle tu ajar "talur bedadar" as in ketaluran (kebongokan) seseorang atu hancur udah, nada harapan lagi.. Anyways, these group of men ada buat mistakes lah and this dude kept on saying "unlucky, mate". That was time dorang leading one nil masih.. Udah dorang concede and trailed 2-1, keluar lah kata kata kesat dan kurang manis didengar: "F*ckin' 'ell!! What d f*ck u bloody doin'??" and "Oh, for f*ck's sake!!".. Terhibur ku lah dengan karenah dorang ani..

Bah, thats all for now. Insya allah i'll post again soon (so much for the previous post being the last.. Haha.. Dib, dib..)

Oh oh!! This badge arrived from Scotland the other day!

Cool ah? Heheh.. bah, adang ku dulu ah.. Bye~!



Im so enjoying life masa ani.. Weather is beautiful, nada stress (not yet aleast) and Man Utd are doing well after years of disappointment.. Yup yup, i shud be relishing all this.. Anyways, this could be my last post before my exams. My first paper is on the 23rd pulang, but taking into consideration my laziness to post, itd be safe to say that this may well be the last post for 4-5 weeks. Let me just type out the modules i take for this year: Principles of training and fitness, Introduction to sports and exercise psychology,Massage techniques (Siuuk!!), Sport and exercise nutrition (blah!) , Sports injuries (da bomb!!) and Introduction to anatomy and physiology (Uber BLAH!!).

Anyways, i doOont wanna think about exams dulu. Masa ani ive got tons of free time (which i really should be using to revise, but dont worry, i will.) Hmm, apa kan ku cakap ani ah.. Oh yeah! I wonder if anyone remembers any of the "white lies" (if white lies exist anyway) yang pernah kana gtau oleh orang tua tani dulu, may it be parents or neneks. Like, "jangan meniarap, karang jadi buaya.." Well, atu my aunt lah selalu cakap time aku damit and gullible.. Pas atu, kami pass tah tu the warning arah cousins lain.. "Kamu!! Jangan meniyarap wah!! Karang jadi buwaya!" Gullible banar.. Secara logik nya, nda pulang ada bukti saintifikal yang mengatakan meniarap membari jadi buaya tapi selalunya kan, ada wah bukti saintifikal. Lemme give an example, mun nda sampai makan, karang kepunan. Kepunan ani is any mishap yang happen sebab kami inda makan. A scenario would be "Eh, ada makanan atas meja, karang tah ku makan, masa ani sibuk.." Then, tetandang kerusi tah ia atu. Iatah yang kana galar kepunan tu. Anyways, i think the scientifical reasoning is when hungry, the brain wont function as well. And attention wont be as good either, iatah mudah accidents and stuff. Satu saja yang ku ijap theory orang dulu ani. "Jangan keluar, karang pengait datang ambil kau." Like, membari ijap jua tu!! Asal keluar sikit, ada pengait datang kan ambil kepala.. Berapa tahun ku traumatised olehnya.. Aduh aduh.. Anyways, at least the warnings atu for the child's own good supaya jadi anak berguna di masa hadapan kelak, so it seems justified.. Or is it?Aku banyak tu kana warning cematu dulu "jangan makan pindah pindah, karang banyak bini!" Atu tarus ku pindah pindah makan olehnya! Tapi i never moved places more than four times time damit atu tho.. Karang luan banyak.. Anyways, when i have kids nanti, and if dorang gauk (if they inherit any of my genes, im 110% sure they would be gauk..) id probably use the many "theories" that was told to me. I just hope they dont ask me "Pa, cemana kita tau banyak perkara ani kan?" My answer would be " Ah? uhh.. Trial and error lai.."

Whoops, my post is supposed to be about cats actually.. dengan inda sengaja (well, maybe sengaja on some level) cakap banyak pasal theory orang dahulu kala. Right! Cats.. I just love cats, i really find them therapeutic. Dulu, the first thing id do when i come back from school would meow real loud at the house foyer and in a few seconds, i would see a white cat appear from around the corner, sprinting at full speed towards me (shaking the cat biscuit container, macam iklan whiskas, or calling its name would have had the same effect as well). I mean, siuk jua tu everyday balik skulah kana greet oleh ucing (not a typo, we called kucing 'ucing', im sure many others do as well). Anyways, then id feed the cat and after that id chill on the swing, letting the cat have a nap on my lap. So id just be sitting there on the swing for 30ish minutes with the cat sleeping. Really relaxing. And more often than not, the cat would only fall asleep if it was biting my finger. And unless i want to wake the cat, i pretty much cant remove the finger. Oh, by the way, the cat's name was Amy (Yes, AMY. My uncle suka Amy Mastura dulu.. Turns out the cat was male!! We found that out when we wanted to sterilise it.. Skalinya bep*cung!! Kami pikir kucing bini-bini.. Its thingy was small wah, thats why kami konpius.. Patut jua malar kalah berkelayi si Amy ani, manhoodnya damit.. Mula mula Amy Mastura, akhirnya jadi Amy Search.. haha.. sian sian..) Anyways, one day, i was tired so malas ku duduk di luar with d cat, ku bawa masuk rumah while i rested on a beanbag chair. The cat bit me on my nose and it fell asleep. I cant take my nose away coz that would wake the cat up, i was too tired to do so anyways. Skalinya tertidur ku! When i woke up, the first thing i realised was the strong smell of fish. Rupanya the cat was still asleep while biting my nose! Haha, percuma tercium morning breath kucing.. Mints in its food bowl next time maybe.. Ahh, i miss that cat..

Gambar perhiasan semata mata, tiada berkenaan dengan yang hidup mahupun yang mati..

Anyways, im not always good with animals, pernah sekali i was tickling the cat, and i think it got on its back and started pissing.. tarus lah ku avoid ia until its next bath.. this also happened when i picked up a turtle.. As i was holding it, this penis-like thing stuck out and water came out!! Kurang asam.. Macam urinal kah usul ku ani?? baik jua nda kana.. I dont like turtles.. Also, aku pernah tertendang ayam time balik sembahyang jumat. The chicken hit the wall and left a brown pattern.. Pikirku apa, rupanya ia terkirit time skidding on the wall.. Haha.. Skidmark, literally.. Amah jadi mangsa untuk membarus tahi ayam di dinding.. Kesian amah.. Sori mah! And for the last "con" of having a pet cat is when u go to it and it stops what it was doing and it licks ur face. Sure u feel warm and happy at first, but once u found that previously it was LICKING ITS ASS, its not that fun anymore.. Yes ladies and gentlemen, ampit jadi tisu jamban bagi kucing muka ku ani.. Kurang asham.. Mun atu nda kebasaran nda tah ku tau nyanta.. But macam makin kurang jerawat ku after that.. Hmm, ada idea untuk produk kecantikan baru.. Haha.. "Nda pakai, nda lawa nyanta!"

Anyways, since ive been talking quite a lot about cats, here is something that is:

Taa dah!! Gambar lanun makan karipap yang agung (karipap venti?) !! this picture was taken in canterbury. (Jirin, sampai ku gambar jua!!) Haha. I was sOoOoOo tempted to photoshop the karipap with something else.. but this is a blog untuk sekalian warga masyarakat.. haha.. Oh, they even sell satay here! Ada bejual di Somerfield "Chicken satay". My housemate suka makan, i told him he shud get the whole experience with kuah kacang, ketupat etc.. baru kick! Anyways, i think i got a bit carried away.. I wanted to blog a bit, but i overblogged and blogged a lot instead.. nda apa, biar labih, jangan kurang, nda ja?

Goodbye dear readers, for now..

yours truly,

Si Adib. xoxoxo <--apa erti xoxoxo? payah ku pronunciate even.. (kso - kso - kso?)