Last post before exam tia karang!!

Wah!! The weather have been absolutely gorgeous!! Alhamdulillah... I am very happy.. Last week, kan keluar pun malas/takut sebab either sajuk or kan avoid kana tangkap basah if hujan.. Masa ani, sangat indah! Reflection matahari arah dog poop on the sidewalk pun macam shimmering work of art olehnya!! Anyways, past two days ani, i feel so very healthy.. Been eating right (need to shed some fat I gained during easter holidays) and exercising whatnot.. Its not without obstacles though..

A few days ago, i wanted to use the treadmill. There was a vacant one near the tv, so i got on it.. At the time, the treadmil directly in front of the tv was occupied by this rather large lady who was holding on to the rail while walking on the treadmill.. Tiba tiba, bau yang dahsyat dan sangat overwhelming menimpa hero kita!! This lady had THE ******* WORST BO (body odour) in the history of my stay in Gillingham!!! Masukkan ia ke kandang BABI, BABI pulang yang BERLARI KENCANG KELUAR KANDANG!!! Anyways, I had to get away. Kana bayar pun nda ku mau sebalah ia ani, takut ku ada radioactivity or apa apa yang toksik keluar...I went to the water fountain sebagai alasan untuk lari.. I bet the lady terasa because she went away jua.. I went back to the same treadmill, hoping to have a decent workout.. Then after a while, a lady of similar size got on the treadmill next to me.. It was the SAME LADY!! She had changed her shirt and sprayed perfume on.. Palui kalinya aku ani.. A changed shirt cant fool me, kenal ku masih it was her "kali ah, bulih".. Anyways, the smell seemed to have gone and i already got to 600 meters or so, so i kept on going.. Alas, I was wrong... When she grabbed the handles and exposed her armpits again, the smell seemed to rush straight into my nose holes (lubang hidung cakap melayunya) and menusuk ke kalbu abis peramba... Nda ku tahan! I had to cut my run short.. Inda salah saya, ani abad ke 21 dan SABUN (sama ada biasa mahupun anti-bakteria) sudah pun dicipta dan boleh didapati di mana mana kedai runcit.. Aduhai.. ani orang inda berdusa (yakni diri saya) jadi mangsa..

"Jangan biarkan anak kecil anda berkeliaran berhampiran kandang babi.. Pikirnya aiskrim karang.."

Anyways, im just looking at this piece of paper I posted on the wall.. Its my set of goals for my body fat percentage. As of today, it has been eight days in a row that ive gone to the gym to run and do some resistance training. Im glad aku keeping up with the goals I set and inda hangat hangat tahi ayam (siasiapun, batah udah nda makan ayam..).. Hmm, who came up with that phrase anyways?? Imagine ku maybe dulu-dulu ada this farmer menanam and kehabisan baja. And suddenly, ayamnya beria and ia pun laju laju ambil kan pakai tahi tersebut dijadikan baja..

"Ih!! Hangat jua tahi ayam ani!!"

"Lai! Kemari kau kajap! Rasa ni tahi ayam ah!! Panas!! Nyaman rasanya!!" ia panggil bininya

"Gali ku bang eh!" kata isteri farmer tersebut

"Nda jua tu bang!"

"IH!! SAJUK TIA!!" farmer tersebut berkata selepas memegang tahi tadi sekali lagi..

So lahir tia phrase "Hangat hangat tahi ayam".. In my head at least.. Haha, of all the things kan ku bincangkan.. Baik jua host Rampai Pagi nda macam aku.. Anyways, mun ada orang tahu d actual way the phrase was born, or was around when the phrase was first said (i would doubt that) gitau ku ah.. Another possible explanation was a that group of scientists researched each and every shits known to mankind to see which one cooled down the fastest.. In which case, i suggest these so-called scientists to be knocked on the head, forced to run next to the stinky lady I mentioned earlier and that new scientists to be hired in their place.. Macam macam lagi perkara lain dapat di research..

Anyways, this is a long blog, so I hope u can bear with me.. Aku save kajap ah.. WAH!! Now blogger saves my drafts automatically!! My life is once again, bearable!! Haha.. but seriously, makin convenient.. Next thing I know, typing can be done by just clenching my butt.. Hahaha...

Moving on from my voluptuous bottom, last week, i went to town and saw this "Mobility scooter" which had the brand name "Forever Active". What the F?? FOREVER ACTIVE KEPALA HOTAK MU BERJAMBUL!! I saw this dude who was AT MOST forty years old pakai a "mobility scooter".. Its a frickin' electric wheelchair is what it is, is what it is... Sheesh.. The brand name should be "Arthritis-mobile" or "Geriatrico-move-your-ass-never-again-omatic" or something like that.. Not, "forever active".. Urang nda bekaki lagi mau kan bejalan, dorang tah pulang mensiasiakan kurnia ilahi.. Malas hantap.. Bukan marah.. Geram.. Kegeraman yang berapi..

I may sound harsh, but come on, mun banar banar payah berjalan ok lah. Or mun tua sudah, ani muda muda and sihat masih.. Mun saja malas, membari sasak.. Trafik saja jalan raya olehnya.. I mean, there are other ways to travel without walking. Basikal ada. Mun payah, pasang roda damit. Or kuda kah, atleast macho jua lagi than these "mobility scooters".. Denial dorang ani calling it that.. Its like calling George Bush a "President" rather than "Prick who is in charge of other Pricks and Prickettes".. Disgraceful.. Phew.. Sabar, sabar.. Breathe in... And out... Ok, im cool, im cool.. Anyways, I saw this video on youtube.. It is of a movie involving a very cool horse stunt..

HAHAHAHAHAHA!! WHAT THE F?? this video actually made my day.. MJ thriller spoof sudah, kuda sliding under truck sudah, kana timbak inda mati pun sudah!! Kreatip dorang ani eh, terpegun saya.. Kenapa warga brunei inda tepikir kan buat kuda sliding bawah trak?? HAHAHA!! Good stuff.. and to conclude this part of my post, another video from another tamil movie showing what other powers they have.. I swear, mun Heroes ada karakter tamil, he would be the leader and would have the best abilities!! But that would be unfair, so dorang nda jadi put such a character in..

Gotta love the stylish moustache flicking at the end.. Anyways, since ive been talking about tamil movies for quite a bit, its time for something thats:

"Sediakan payung sebelum tahi pigeon melanda.."

Dengan itu saya sudahi dengan wabillahi taufik walhidayah, wassalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh!

Nda last pun..

Ahh, here i am yet again.. Blogging.. Well, siuk wah just spilling my thoughts and writing about the mischief and other stuff im up to.. Its been quite an uneventful week. Heck, i may even start revising today (or tomorrow.. or the day after..) Right now, im trying to get hold of some boxes to pack my stuff since I have to move out by the 9th of June. For those who dont know, Im living in a house rented by the uni for 1st year students saja, iatah mesti pindah.

Anyways, two days ago, i was woken up in the morning by the smell of smoke. Kuat lah baunya atu, mun sampai aku terbangun.. But i was still quite tired so i didnt care.. "Rumah kah ni yang terbakar? Eh, malas ku ingau eh, tidur saja balik, ada tu bomba datang mun rumah hangus.." I That was the pinnacle of all laziness!! I mean, what are the chances that it actually was the house that was on fire, but still i just couldnt bother to get up.. I went back to sleep hoping that my thin bedsheets would provide enough protection from any flames.. A few minutes went by but i just could not go back to sleep! So reluctantly, i went down to check what was wrong.. CEH!! Someone burnt something in the microwave.. mun pakai microwave pun dapat hangus barang, baik makan rumput atau sushi, tantu.. Well, im not one to speak coz i think aku pun pernah hanguskan pizza in the microwave.. In my defence, it was the micwrowave punya fault..

That afternoon, i went to the gym as usual to do some running on the treadmill. On the way, there were two small dogs (one looked like a wet fluffy pillow and the other macam gulali bangas) in my way. Takut terpalit whatever liquids they could secrete, i crossed the road early only to find that some dude was on a bicycle while having a beer.. Banyak dugaan jua eh, awal atu macam terhuyung hayang lagi jalannya tu.. Drinking and cycling , first time tah ku menyaksikan tu. Mudahaaan, kau masuk lungkang.. Amiin.. When he passed by, i looked forward to having a peaceful time at Black Lions Leisure center.

Alas, it was not to be.. When i was on the treadmill there was this lady running next to me and I had the urge to release this humongous fart! Palui ni eh, should i let it rip? Shud i hold it in? I learnt that day that it is quite uncomfortable to tahan kantut sambil berlusir.. The thing is, people there know im a frequent customer, so galat rasanya kan kantut basar basar.. So i came up with this stratergy, release bit by bit.. Right after i finished the last "installment" of my farting session, the lady went away and this fat dude got on.. Lohh, mun ku tau, ku tahan skajap lagi then release the "powerbomb" and just give the guy a blaming look.. Abis cerita.. ahh well.. After running for 2.4 kilometres, i checked the calorie reading and I just burnt about 134 Calories. SHEEEET!!! Thats just one small packet of Walkers Cheese and Onion crisps! It makes all that running seem slightly insignificant.. And i think the reading should in fact be lower because i lied about my weight to the machine.. heheh.. But nda apa, asal maintain health.. Losing weight is not as easy as the adverts on TV it seems.. :s

Gambar perhiasan semata mata, tiada berkenaan dengan perhiasan yang hidup mahupun yang mati..

After the run, i decided to cool down by watching some people playing football in the main hall. One thing I like about the football here is if people make mistakes, even if the mistakes are repetitive, the say "Unlucky". Mun di Brunei Darussalam, mun buat mistake, nda baik nasib kana sumpah saja: "PAALUUUI!!!! Nda ko be-utak kah?? BUDUH tah banar si BUDUH ani!! TALOR!! Bukan talur baguring, bukan talur mata lambu tapi talur bedadar!! Main macam bini-bini!!" My kawan punya uncle tu ajar "talur bedadar" as in ketaluran (kebongokan) seseorang atu hancur udah, nada harapan lagi.. Anyways, these group of men ada buat mistakes lah and this dude kept on saying "unlucky, mate". That was time dorang leading one nil masih.. Udah dorang concede and trailed 2-1, keluar lah kata kata kesat dan kurang manis didengar: "F*ckin' 'ell!! What d f*ck u bloody doin'??" and "Oh, for f*ck's sake!!".. Terhibur ku lah dengan karenah dorang ani..

Bah, thats all for now. Insya allah i'll post again soon (so much for the previous post being the last.. Haha.. Dib, dib..)

Oh oh!! This badge arrived from Scotland the other day!

Cool ah? Heheh.. bah, adang ku dulu ah.. Bye~!



Im so enjoying life masa ani.. Weather is beautiful, nada stress (not yet aleast) and Man Utd are doing well after years of disappointment.. Yup yup, i shud be relishing all this.. Anyways, this could be my last post before my exams. My first paper is on the 23rd pulang, but taking into consideration my laziness to post, itd be safe to say that this may well be the last post for 4-5 weeks. Let me just type out the modules i take for this year: Principles of training and fitness, Introduction to sports and exercise psychology,Massage techniques (Siuuk!!), Sport and exercise nutrition (blah!) , Sports injuries (da bomb!!) and Introduction to anatomy and physiology (Uber BLAH!!).

Anyways, i doOont wanna think about exams dulu. Masa ani ive got tons of free time (which i really should be using to revise, but dont worry, i will.) Hmm, apa kan ku cakap ani ah.. Oh yeah! I wonder if anyone remembers any of the "white lies" (if white lies exist anyway) yang pernah kana gtau oleh orang tua tani dulu, may it be parents or neneks. Like, "jangan meniarap, karang jadi buaya.." Well, atu my aunt lah selalu cakap time aku damit and gullible.. Pas atu, kami pass tah tu the warning arah cousins lain.. "Kamu!! Jangan meniyarap wah!! Karang jadi buwaya!" Gullible banar.. Secara logik nya, nda pulang ada bukti saintifikal yang mengatakan meniarap membari jadi buaya tapi selalunya kan, ada wah bukti saintifikal. Lemme give an example, mun nda sampai makan, karang kepunan. Kepunan ani is any mishap yang happen sebab kami inda makan. A scenario would be "Eh, ada makanan atas meja, karang tah ku makan, masa ani sibuk.." Then, tetandang kerusi tah ia atu. Iatah yang kana galar kepunan tu. Anyways, i think the scientifical reasoning is when hungry, the brain wont function as well. And attention wont be as good either, iatah mudah accidents and stuff. Satu saja yang ku ijap theory orang dulu ani. "Jangan keluar, karang pengait datang ambil kau." Like, membari ijap jua tu!! Asal keluar sikit, ada pengait datang kan ambil kepala.. Berapa tahun ku traumatised olehnya.. Aduh aduh.. Anyways, at least the warnings atu for the child's own good supaya jadi anak berguna di masa hadapan kelak, so it seems justified.. Or is it?Aku banyak tu kana warning cematu dulu "jangan makan pindah pindah, karang banyak bini!" Atu tarus ku pindah pindah makan olehnya! Tapi i never moved places more than four times time damit atu tho.. Karang luan banyak.. Anyways, when i have kids nanti, and if dorang gauk (if they inherit any of my genes, im 110% sure they would be gauk..) id probably use the many "theories" that was told to me. I just hope they dont ask me "Pa, cemana kita tau banyak perkara ani kan?" My answer would be " Ah? uhh.. Trial and error lai.."

Whoops, my post is supposed to be about cats actually.. dengan inda sengaja (well, maybe sengaja on some level) cakap banyak pasal theory orang dahulu kala. Right! Cats.. I just love cats, i really find them therapeutic. Dulu, the first thing id do when i come back from school would meow real loud at the house foyer and in a few seconds, i would see a white cat appear from around the corner, sprinting at full speed towards me (shaking the cat biscuit container, macam iklan whiskas, or calling its name would have had the same effect as well). I mean, siuk jua tu everyday balik skulah kana greet oleh ucing (not a typo, we called kucing 'ucing', im sure many others do as well). Anyways, then id feed the cat and after that id chill on the swing, letting the cat have a nap on my lap. So id just be sitting there on the swing for 30ish minutes with the cat sleeping. Really relaxing. And more often than not, the cat would only fall asleep if it was biting my finger. And unless i want to wake the cat, i pretty much cant remove the finger. Oh, by the way, the cat's name was Amy (Yes, AMY. My uncle suka Amy Mastura dulu.. Turns out the cat was male!! We found that out when we wanted to sterilise it.. Skalinya bep*cung!! Kami pikir kucing bini-bini.. Its thingy was small wah, thats why kami konpius.. Patut jua malar kalah berkelayi si Amy ani, manhoodnya damit.. Mula mula Amy Mastura, akhirnya jadi Amy Search.. haha.. sian sian..) Anyways, one day, i was tired so malas ku duduk di luar with d cat, ku bawa masuk rumah while i rested on a beanbag chair. The cat bit me on my nose and it fell asleep. I cant take my nose away coz that would wake the cat up, i was too tired to do so anyways. Skalinya tertidur ku! When i woke up, the first thing i realised was the strong smell of fish. Rupanya the cat was still asleep while biting my nose! Haha, percuma tercium morning breath kucing.. Mints in its food bowl next time maybe.. Ahh, i miss that cat..

Gambar perhiasan semata mata, tiada berkenaan dengan yang hidup mahupun yang mati..

Anyways, im not always good with animals, pernah sekali i was tickling the cat, and i think it got on its back and started pissing.. tarus lah ku avoid ia until its next bath.. this also happened when i picked up a turtle.. As i was holding it, this penis-like thing stuck out and water came out!! Kurang asam.. Macam urinal kah usul ku ani?? baik jua nda kana.. I dont like turtles.. Also, aku pernah tertendang ayam time balik sembahyang jumat. The chicken hit the wall and left a brown pattern.. Pikirku apa, rupanya ia terkirit time skidding on the wall.. Haha.. Skidmark, literally.. Amah jadi mangsa untuk membarus tahi ayam di dinding.. Kesian amah.. Sori mah! And for the last "con" of having a pet cat is when u go to it and it stops what it was doing and it licks ur face. Sure u feel warm and happy at first, but once u found that previously it was LICKING ITS ASS, its not that fun anymore.. Yes ladies and gentlemen, ampit jadi tisu jamban bagi kucing muka ku ani.. Kurang asham.. Mun atu nda kebasaran nda tah ku tau nyanta.. But macam makin kurang jerawat ku after that.. Hmm, ada idea untuk produk kecantikan baru.. Haha.. "Nda pakai, nda lawa nyanta!"

Anyways, since ive been talking quite a lot about cats, here is something that is:

Taa dah!! Gambar lanun makan karipap yang agung (karipap venti?) !! this picture was taken in canterbury. (Jirin, sampai ku gambar jua!!) Haha. I was sOoOoOo tempted to photoshop the karipap with something else.. but this is a blog untuk sekalian warga masyarakat.. haha.. Oh, they even sell satay here! Ada bejual di Somerfield "Chicken satay". My housemate suka makan, i told him he shud get the whole experience with kuah kacang, ketupat etc.. baru kick! Anyways, i think i got a bit carried away.. I wanted to blog a bit, but i overblogged and blogged a lot instead.. nda apa, biar labih, jangan kurang, nda ja?

Goodbye dear readers, for now..

yours truly,

Si Adib. xoxoxo <--apa erti xoxoxo? payah ku pronunciate even.. (kso - kso - kso?)

'Cause you're worth it..

Ugh, it seems that i'll be sleeping late again tonite. I dont have anymore classes but i signed up for this pre exam course and so far, it has proven to be useful. The thingy was supposed to start at 10AM but i was still SO NOT confident id wake up in time. I set not one, not two, not even three but FOUR alarms so that i cud wake up. Alas, irony struck.. I woke up at SEVEN!! to make matter worse, i couldnt fall back to sleep.. kurang asam, kelabu asap.. MUN KU TAU NDA KU SIBUK PASANG ALARM!!! membari kan merandam dalam acid wah alarm clocks ah.. haha.. well, on the bright side, atleast i had plenty of time to prepare for uni.. And guess what i did? aku masak Indo Mee and telur baguring untuk di jadikan bata! haha, its been such a long time since i bebata makanan.. I still remember time form one and form two i used to bring makanan for break time from rumah.. And then makan in the class. Good ol days.. Especially mun kana batakan indo mee dalam bata atu, sumtimes minta buatkan arah amah and tapuk tapuk bebata indo mee coz takut indung menagur.. Happy tah tu time break, knowing ada indo mee dalam beg.. Macam lunch box dari syurga tu rasanya..

"Oh, mee goreng Indo Food, Rasanya tak boleh tahan~"

anyways, Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Dengan sukacita di maklumkan bahawa seorang anak tempatan yang pada masa ini menuntut ilmu di Kent, telah mengambil inisiatif untuk mencuba nasib dalam bisnes modelling kosmetik. Muhammad Adib Hashim, seorang jejaka yang tinggi nya 1.66 meter dan berat badan lebih kurang 95 kati telah menjadi model bagi produk kecantikan khas untuk lelaki yang dihasilkan oleh Safi. Diharap semua warga Brunei dimana saja berada dapat men-support produk ini..

Haha.. Lanji usul ku ah.. Brunei bolehh!!

Bah, awda sekalian, mun nampak produk ani d kadai, jangan camah mata ah.. Putik dalam sepuluh butul kah, pas atu bagi bagi arah family. Amah pun bulih bagi, they need to moisturise as well! Insya allah, barang barang lain akan di tampilkan di blog ani lagi yang menampilkan model lanji kegemaran kitani.. Andangnya tu, yang lain mana merika suka tu.. Assalamualaikum (siapa tak jawab, berdosa tau!) and selamat malam (ani nda payah jawab..)!